Dear Lyme Disease,

Dear Lyme Disease,

I'm over you. I'm over making space for you in MY life (there is not enough space here for you)

I'm over the "chronic" aspect of this illness that I keep trying to ignore.
And you know what!? I. Don't. Want. To.
I don't want to make you work.
I don't want to continue to have to choose between my husband, my daughter, my career and my health.
I don't want to not drink wine with my dinner.
I don't want to continue to find small things that may make a small difference.

I don't want to over plan and over organize every aspect of my life in an obsessive hope that maybe I will be able to keep my head above water.
I don't want to go to bed every day by 9:00 for the rest of my life.
I don't want to give so much time and energy to something that constantly fails me.
I don't want to have to consider different career options.
I don't want a damn bug to decide if I get to have more kids or not.
I don't want to not always be able to take care of myself.
I don't want to forget words and be unable to put complete thoughts together.

I don't want to be married to my to do lists (aka my marching orders) because without them I get lost.
I don't want to keep walking into rooms and forgetting why I'm there.
I don't want to have to rely on GPS because without it I get lost going to places I have been 100 times before.
I don't want to continue getting really good at wearing makeup so I can hide the illness on my face.
I don't want to continue dealing with the "she can't be that sick" drama that comes with you.
I don't want to keep loosing friends because they don't get it and I no longer have the desire to explain.
I don't want to be scared that I'm never going to find my own brain again.
I don't want to be scared of the thought of living with you for 60 more years.
I don't want to fight you every day.
I don't want to.
I don't want to.
I don't want to.
Go. Away.

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